I'm disconnected from time in a strange way. Ever since I was young I've had an inability to remember dates and times> Why? I dunno. I sometimes say that anniversaries don't matter - we are who and wha0t we are and such arbitrary decisions to remember a birth or a death, a marriage or a meeting seem to suggest that we can't remem ber the whole person, just snippets. But that's just me being specious, justifying my poor memory.
The truth is I don't remember stuff like that - wedding day, birthday etc. I remember if I was there. Just date and time don't fix well in my mind. Until; I was in my thirties I could not remember the exact date of my birthday. It was either the 23rd or 25th of November. And when that time came around I would not notice and be vaguely suprised that anyone else remembered. I have a feeling that I started remembering the correct date after I had been happy in my partnership with my first wife fror a long time (an odd phrase that, starngely formal and somehow right). I can still remember her birthdate. My first daughter's birthday - nope. My second daughter's - just recently it's begun to stick in my mind, after four years.
This temporal dislocation is a good place to be for me. I notice that most people need to be temporally and geographivcally located - that is, they have to know hwere and when they are. It don't signify for me. It's probably part and parcel of what mades me a performer and writer. If you watch the world and note its doings it's more important to get what was done and why than when and where. I remember working on a Shakespeare play as a young boy in an amateur company and how Theatre time was so unlike TV and Film time. In recorded media it seemed that verisimilitude was necessary and we had to know what time of day it was and where - it all had to look so real. Theare was clearly just a story told by people in a room with you that if they blithley let a thousand years pass - cool. Wiiling suspension of disbelief and all that.
So I'm not part of the ordinary timeline. I have no bump of location and don't care. And I don't believe in a god, supreme force, or any other explanation for why we and the worlkd are what we are. I know I'll die. When I'm dead I don't know what will happen to me. And I'm cool with that too. What I find odd is that everyone else needs to know what time and date it is, where they are and where they'll be after their flesh fades. They're all so desparate to know the answers to those tree questions - esp[ecially the latter - that they take all sorts of ridiculous ideas and hold to them like babes in a hurricane clutching a teddy. But me, I don't know what the date is, I don't know what the time is, I don't know if I'm facing north or south, and when I'm dead I neither know nor care what happens. I'll either be there or I won't.