Omniscient
"Omniscient?" said God.
"Yes." I replied.
"Why do they think I'm omniscient?".
"Well they think, you know, you having created the world-"
"I did what?"
"Whoa. Slow down there." God was was getting louder.
"Don't get all Deus Irate on me." I grinned, pompously-pleased with my
joke.
"Uh?" God grunted.
"Well I didn't make this omni stuff up, so there's no
sense getting on my-"
"What's Deus Irate mean?" god grunted surlily. I'm aware
that I've started using a small 'g'. Wouldn't you if you met such a doofus
supreme being? "Latin" I grunted back.
"What's Latin..? Oh yeah, I remember." I was by now so
disillusioned that I neither knew nor cared whether this was bullshit or
bad memory.
"Well, anyway" mumbled this sadly ordinary god "I'm not
omniscient."
"No shit?" I said. We sat silently for a very short while
that seemed nontheless eternal. Then he shifted uncomfortably and spoke
shiftily "I, er, I've got a lot to do so... I mean I don't usually take
this long for lunch..." He trailed off. He was embarrased, I was embarrased.
I was also bored and mildy pissed off. "Me too" I shot back, perfunctory
politeness taking the place of what once would have been worship "Gotta
go." He stood awkwardly and started to clear the table as if he wanted
to make amends. He made a pig's ear out of it though, knocking over his
half-full styrofoam cup of soda and I stood to avoid the spill. "Look,
you go, you must be busy, I mean...I'll clear up." He made a barely audible
noise - a whimper of assent mixed with frustration? - and left the canteen,
being jostled in the doorway by a 20 something girl wonder who barely noticed
the old bumbler she'd walked through. I watched his back as the door closed
on him, then watched her butt. No contest. Then I looked at the table and
left the mess made by god and me.
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Mark Knight